Cycle Jerks

We’re sending them a couple shirts for some lucky winners. When Juice and I come to visit I expect some people will show us to the best and cheapest bars.

Looks like it’s going to be a great time! Wish we could be there!

Last Friday Danika Bueno was cycling in Boulder with her 10 month old son strapped to her back when she was sexually assaulted. She phoned 911 and chased him, while on the phone and with her son, for 1.3 miles until officials were able to catch up. Wow. Now that’s one woman you don’t want to mess with.
Read entire story here.

Found on Bike Denver.

So I’m running on empty here but I wanted to thank everyone real quick for coming out. Insanity. Over 100 people, 22 teams. This is a big deal for Denver.

If you’re not making it to awards tomorrow and you participated in Gang Bang please send me an email: jen[at]milehighmess[dot]com I will send or courier you your Gang Bang t-shirt. If you just want to swing buy, grab a lunch box and your shirt that would be spectacular.

Anyone who won a side event will be receiving a prize. So show up!

Jen and Juice love you.

P.S. We raised a lot of money for Lily, you rule.

Bringing it back to the park.

Track Attack this Friday, don’t forget.

Looks like it’s going to be perfect trick weather.
I also hear Tony has a big surprise. Can’t wait to find out.

This is Curtis’ arm. You can see him in Episode #5, Track Attack, you know, he did the barspin on the bank and the through the frame no-hand trackstand. He’s also in Episode #2 doing some equally gnarly shit. We all miss him very much since he has moved to wherever the fuck in Washington state. You better come for Gang Bang, motherfucker. I’m serious.

The race started at 6:30, well… 6:40, at Skyline park (17th and Arapahoe) then went to 3 checkpoints: 2399 Blake, 1999 Broadway and up into the highlands at 17th and Boulder, finishing at 3 Kings Tavern. I believe there were 27 racers, what the fuck? More people ride bikes than that, you know who you are! Come out next time.

If you want to do tricks, drink and be filmed, come out today to Battlesteed (1338 Tremont), from 12-2pm for happy, fun, sunny day time. We will relocate from there.

After the race there was PBR pickup across the street. Fucking Kris won that too, Sam second then Tyler.
Trackstands were held inside 3 Kings, 17 kids sneaked into the small dance floor and stage. Thirty seconds of both hands on your bars, to thirty seconds of one handed then a full three minutes of no handed all timed by Phil’s iPhone, so you know it was accurate. By the time it came to one footed trackstands only four people were standing, Lil Joe, Garrett, Kris and Jen. Lil Joe fell first to everyone’s surprise, then Jenicane, then Garrett which means Kris won fucking everything. Gay.

DFL went to Andrew who got dragged by the driver of a car from their window almost breaking his leg. What the fuck? And on Speer Blvd, one of the busiest streets in Denver! Are these people on meth?! Yes, they probably are, that’s the sad part. His bike’s totaled but he still managed to come out and drink with us after he filed the police report, what a sport. He made a small speech but I couldn’t tell what he was saying due to all the heckling and Maggie yelling “More carbs, less cars!” Way to be mature guys.

We had some memorable speeches besides Andrews. Kris’ trackstands speech was absolutely retarded, “Without all you’re help, without all you guys buying all my albums and without the lord above, it would have never happened. Thank you all.” WHAT?! He won some red riser bars, painted that color so no one will be able to see the blood when it’s pulled out of his ass. “Why’d you break up with Phil?” Sam heckled at Kris, “He decided he’s not bi anymore.” Kris retorted sadly. They were so cute together too.

“Kris is like the 50 cent of the biker world right now.” Tony mentioned before Kris’ second speech for winning PBR Pickup.”All I want to know is where’s Declan?!” Kris slurred during his second speech of the night. “If it wasn’t for Declan’s eyes inspiring me in the third checkpoint, I wouldn’t have ever made it.” I think Phil was a little jealous.

First female in the race and overall went to Jen, “Vaginas are the most amazing thing that were ever made.” The crowd agreed, “I have one and that’s why I won.”

Kris was greeted to the stage for first place in the race by boo’s, there was no speech this time. Top three each received a Skitch Clothing t-shirt. FLAAAAME.

Fast Friday was pretty sweet too, good job Seattle.
Overall:
1st - Kris
2nd - Brian
3rd - Lil Joe
4th - Mike
5th - Curt
6th - Juice/Robbie Tie
7th - Tyler
8th - Garrett
9th - Sam/ Jen Tie
10th - Virgin

Race Results:
1st - Kris
2nd - Bri Bri
3rd - Robbie
4th - Lil Joe
5th - Mikey
6th - Curt
7th - Juice
8th/ 1st Female - Jen
9th - Virgin
10th - Hector
2nd Female - Anna
The rest don’t really matter.

To all you kids that think you’re king shit, try this with your Aerospokes. Da Tour is the most brutal series of races ever to hit the midwest. They’re 2 stages in so far and it’s looking real nasty. Read the articles on the Chicago Cuttin’ Crew’s site and look at the photos on Chris Dilts’ Flickr. Jeff Perkins, the founder of the Cuttin’ Crew, has a funny interview here.

The temperature durring Stage Two was -25 degrees Fahrenheit with 25mph winds and 40mph gusts! FUUUUUUCK!!!

I fucking love this website. Funny shit. Read their latest article about Toby the Bus Driver. Knee slapping comedy.